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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28705458">We Never Had It At All</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/donniedont/pseuds/donniedont'>donniedont</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Memes &amp; Melancholia [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Beach, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Summer Vacation, Trans Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:21:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,180</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28705458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/donniedont/pseuds/donniedont</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“Hey, I get it,” he said, “But you know everyone.  They happily consider you a friend.  I know Dimitri absolutely does.”</p>
  <p>Marianne smiled weakly.  “Ah,” she said.</p>
  <p>“What?” Claude asked.  He let go of her hand, gripping it against the railing.</p>
  <p>“It’s kind of a game with you,” she said, “You can’t go very long without mentioning him.”</p>
  <p>“He’s a good friend,” Claude reasoned.</p>
  <p>“I know he is,” Marianne said.  “But be honest with me, Claude.  Do you still have feelings for him?”</p>
</blockquote><p>Claude and Dimitri have become comfortable with their situation.  Though they are happy with their respective partners, it's difficult to deny that they still have chemistry.  When they are given permission to explore their relationship over the course of a weeklong vacation, they must decide.  Will they continue to build a relationship, or will they let it go out with the tide?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan/Dedue Molinaro/Marianne von Edmond, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Dedue Molinaro, Marianne von Edmund/Claude von Riegan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Memes &amp; Melancholia [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Three Houses AU Bang</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We Never Had It At All</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am excited to present my AUBB piece!  Thank you so much to Jezza, my artist, for collaborating on this!  I'm excited to link to the art when it's completed.</p>
<p>This fic is part of a larger series, known as Memes &amp; Melancholia!  This fic operates as a standalone, but feel free to read the other stories for that good-good context (and lots of freshman dimiclaude).</p>
<p>The rating for this chapter is teen, however, it will go up in the next part.  Thank you for taking a chance on this fic and enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The car was packed enough that Dimitri swore he could hear each item shaking as Dedue merged onto the highway.  He still turned around to make sure that everything was in place, and he was relieved to see everything in place.  The last thing he wanted to do was have the produce Dedue’s family gave them get ruined before anyone could use it.</p>
<p>Dimitri faced forward, watching Dedue as he followed the GPS directives, eventually taking an exit that was labeled as “Shore Points.”  As much as he didn’t see himself as the type who liked vacations, he did like watching his partner drive, humming softly to the pop music playing on a playlist they put together.  His hands were gripped on the wheel, his blue nails distracting Dimitri as they glowed under the sunlight.</p>
<p>“What are you looking at?” Dedue asked, a smile playing on his lips.</p>
<p>“You, of course,” Dimitri replied.</p>
<p>Dedue laughed.  “Ever the romantic,” he noted.</p>
<p>Dimitri couldn’t help but beam at him, eventually facing the road ahead.  They were driving through various markers of the beach, from the seagulls flying overhead to the flat marsh that surrounded them on both sides of the road.  The smell was slightly sour, but pleasant, if only because it was different from what they were used to.</p>
<p>Dedue began to drum his fingers along the wheel and Dimitri snapped his head toward him again.  It was a typical sign that Dedue was stressed.  Bells began to ring in Dimitri’s mind as he checked the road.  It didn’t look like there were any traffic snafus and there wasn’t any luggage jostling around.  He must have been stewing on something for a while.  </p>
<p>Dimitri brought his hand to his mouth, finding a patch of skin on his lip and yanked it.  He gulped before he asked, “Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>Dedue sputtered into a cough, turning his eyes slightly away from the road to cough into his arm.  He cleared his throat and gave a strained, “No,” which certainly didn’t help Dimitri’s nerves in any way whatsoever.  He cleared his throat a second time and said, “No.  Not specifically.  I want to talk with you about something, but it’s not a bad thing.”</p>
<p>Dimitri watched him, searching for any type of physical marker to suggest otherwise.  “Well, what would you like to talk about?” he asked.</p>
<p>Dedue brought a hand to his head, running his knuckles against one of the shaved sides.  “I want to be clear that I love you dearly.  I’m so grateful for every day we have together.  I just wanted to speak to… uh… a concern I’ve had, of sorts.”</p>
<p>“What is?” Dimitri asked.</p>
<p>“Claude.  And your whole… dynamic.”</p>
<p>Dimitri tensed up.  “I meant it when I said I was keeping things platonic with him when we got together,” he snapped, wishing he could shove each word back in his mouth as he said it.</p>
<p>“What?” Dedue asked, their eyebrows knitting together for a moment before his face finally relaxed again.  “Oh!  No, I never thought you were doing anything like that.”  He shook his head and added, “Nothing like that.  I’ve always trusted you.”</p>
<p>Dimitri sighed, even though his shoulders were still set high against his ears.  As suspicious as he was of Dedue in this moment, he sounded too calm to be lying to him about that.</p>
<p>“I’m grateful that you pursued me.  But I know that you had the plan to eventually follow up with him.  I’m just worried that I haven’t been giving you clear enough signs that I am in support of you doing that.”</p>
<p>Dimitri felt his cheeks warm up.  “Oh,” he said, “That’s… that’s very kind of you, my love.”</p>
<p>“I’m not quite sure that’s the word for it,” Dedue said.</p>
<p>“But you know what I mean,” Dimitri replied, “It’s not like… normal for people to tell their partners to ask another person out.”</p>
<p>“I mean, it’s a bit unconventional.  But it can be normal for us.  Much like if I told you I had feelings for someone, I hope you would encourage me to do the same.”</p>
<p>Dimitri brought his hand to his mouth again.  He caught himself before he began to rip at his skin and lowered his hand.  It was strange hearing everything laid out so plainly.  He spent the first two years of college stewing over his feelings for both Claude and Dedue.  Dedue was one of the first familiar faces he saw at the school, the two of them being placed in the same orientation group.  They bonded when they pulled faces at each other over each obtuse icebreaker they were forced into.  Dedue was careful and considerate, but still impulsive enough to end up in a diner at three AM or subject himself to the wild nonsense that was renting a shorehouse with some of their closest friends.</p>
<p>But Claude was different.  Dimitri saw him in his freshman dorm and could feel his life path redirect.  Claude was brilliant and cagey, his eyes always bright, but never quite welcoming.  Dimitri’s memories were muddled as to when they began to hunger for each other, but they did, their bodies always finding a way against each other no matter where they went.  Even with the fanciful thoughts of intimacy, Dimitri knew that it wasn’t the only reason why he came back to Claude whenever he could.  Claude understood him in ways that very few people did, the two of them having hushed conversations into the early mornings lying in Dimitri’s single.  His love for Claude was different, but welcomed.</p>
<p>Even with this affection, Dimitri knew better than to pursue both of them at once.  It was unfair to everyone involved and as much as it hurt having to select one of them, he held out that it could result in the relationships sustaining in the long-run.  But Dedue and he were together for a year at this point and Dimitri had yet to even ask to pursue Claude.</p>
<p>“Why are you bringing it up now?” Dimitri asked, his body facing a faded hotel.  There was a worn out mural of seashells, even though they were still a few towns away from the beach.</p>
<p>“I was wondering if this vacation may be a good time for you to potentially spend some time with him,” Dedue said.</p>
<p>“But this is also <em>your</em> vacation, I couldn’t possibly…” Dimitri started.</p>
<p>Dedue glanced at him for a brief moment.  “Dimitri,” he said, “Please take no offense to this, but I don’t think you going on a date or two this week is going to ruin my vacation.”  He reached out with one hand and found Dimitri’s.  Dimitri grabbed it, squeezing.  </p>
<p>“It <em>could</em> give you the chance to talk to people in the server without me around,” Dimitri said, “I know that Bernadetta has said she would like to get to know you better.”</p>
<p>“Has she now?” Dedue asked, “That’s good to know.  I would love to get to know her better, as well.”</p>
<p>“And you’re certain this is all right with you?” Dimitri asked, “If you even remotely change your mind, please let me know…”</p>
<p>“I will,” Dedue promised, running his thumb along the side of Dimitri’s hand.</p>
<p>Dimitri squeezed back, eventually slipping his hand out of Dedue’s grip and bringing it toward his chest.  His body felt like it was buzzing with a mix of excitement toward the chance to bring this up to Claude and the immediate dread of having the conversation go wrong.</p>
<p>After all, as much as Dedue was supportive, it didn’t mean that Claude would be interested.</p>
<p>Dimitri stared out at the marshes, trying to follow a heron as it rushed from out of the water and into the sky.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Claude nearly stumbled into the beach house as soon as he opened the door.  He kicked his shoes off, boxing Leonie out from the staircase and rushing up first.  Leonie slammed her feet behind him, hip checking him once they reached the top of the stairs.</p>
<p>“Be careful…” Marianne murmured behind them.  </p>
<p>“We will!” Claude exclaimed, skidding across the floor and laughing.  He looked around, grinning.  “Well, thank you, Daddy Blaiddyd,” he said, beginning to walk the perimeter of the room.</p>
<p>“<em>Please</em> don’t call him that,” Leonie said, walking the opposite direction.  She picked up a copy of <em>No Reservations</em> off the coffee table, flipping through it.  </p>
<p>The place appeared to have a strange balance between opulent and homely.  The furnishing was a mix of white and blue fabrics and wicker, a porch overseeing the island nearby.  They scoped out the bedrooms, which were small, but were lovingly furnished with shells and bright, cheap bedding, many of them having a view of the ocean.</p>
<p>“Any of these rooms interest you?” Claude asked Marianne.</p>
<p>“I think there’s a few more bedrooms upstairs if we want to take a look,” Leonie suggested.</p>
<p>Claude sighed, rushing upstairs and reminding himself that Marianne volunteered them to share the room with Leonie.  They chose a room that faced the ocean, everyone gesturing wildly at the patio before Leonie slid the door open and stepped outside.  Claude and Marianne followed her out, walking toward the railing.  Marianne reached for Claude’s hand and Claude grabbed it, squeezing it tightly.</p>
<p>“I think we found the best room,” Claude said.  </p>
<p>Marianne nodded her head as Leonie yelled, “We sure did!”  Leonie stretched, taking a deep breath before she said, “I’m going to keep exploring.”  She slipped out, Claude ready to follow her until Marianne grabbed loosely at his fingeers.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Claude asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, uh… I was wondering if I could ask you something,” she said.  She lightly tapped the wood of the deck.  </p>
<p>“Oh, sure,” Claude said.  He got a better grip of Marianne’s hand, smiling at her.  The energy felt off, but he knew better than to conceal his distress.</p>
<p>Marianne cleared her throat, immediately looking away from him.  She would look beautiful if she didn’t clearly have distress on her face.  She pursed her lips before she said, “I’m excited to see everybody, but I guess I’m a bit nervous…”</p>
<p>Claude took his free hand, nervously pushing his hair back.  He knew that this trip was a tough sell for her.  The vacation was intended to be for everyone in Claude’s server, which was originally a group chat for trans students that started back in freshman year.  They collectively decided to allow significant others to be able to come and while Marianne was not going to be the only one who was coming, he understood that she worried about fitting in.</p>
<p>“Hey, I get it,” he said, “But you know everyone.  They happily consider you a friend.  I know Dimitri absolutely does.”</p>
<p>Marianne smiled weakly.  “Ah,” she said.</p>
<p>“What?” Claude asked.  He let go of her hand, gripping it against the railing.</p>
<p>“It’s kind of a game with you,” she said, “You can’t go very long without mentioning him.”</p>
<p>“He’s a good friend,” Claude reasoned.</p>
<p>“I know he is,” Marianne said.  “But be honest with me, Claude.  Do you still have feelings for him?”

Claude laughed, probably too loud.  He turned away from her, catching a particularly large wave crashing against the shoreline.  He knew it wasn’t accusatory.  Marianne had negotiated with him to open up the relationship fairly early.  It was nice letting her be able to express herself in that way, her communication strangely clear when it came to matters of her own heart.  </p>
<p>Unfortunately, it never rubbed off on Claude.  Relationships, even established ones like what he had with Marianne, felt like sand running through his hands.  People left and if they didn’t, he was an international student.  He was never planning on staying here after school.  </p>
<p>Dimitri was one of the few people who could almost stay secure in Claude’s palm.  It was something he could never quite say, especially to Dimitri, because he didn’t know why.  </p>
<p>He watched several more waves crash, trying to deny that his stomach flipped with anticipation of seeing Dimitri soon.  It felt ridiculous feeling this way about someone when he had a great girlfriend standing in front of him.  Someone who dealt with his bullshit and understood that there were times that she was not going to be given the same amount of focused understanding in return.  </p>
<p>But he couldn’t deny that it wasn’t Marianne following him through the halls of his freshman college dorm.  It wasn’t Marianne that ghosted kisses on his neck when his eyes were growing heavy after a late night study session. </p>
<p>Claude knew better than to ever say he moved on from Dimitri.  There was too much unexplored for him to possibly feel that way.</p>
<p>“He chose to be with Dedue,” Claude said, “I respect them too much to drop something like this on them.”</p>
<p>“I appreciate that conviction,” Marianne said, “But I think it might be worth talking to them about that.”</p>
<p>Claude narrowed his eyes.  Marianne referring to them as a unit was enough of a tip off for him.  “You’ve talked about this with at least one of them,” he noted.</p>
<p>Marianne quickly turned away from him.  “N-not exactly!” she stammered.</p>
<p>“I’m not mad,” Claude said.  He noticed Marianne begin to shake and he reached out to her, wrapping his arms around her.  “Seriously!  That was crafty!  I’m proud of you!”</p>
<p>Marianne leaned into his touch, giggling nervously.  “I don’t know how proud you should be,” she murmured.  She took a deep breath.  “I mean, I talked to Dimitri a bit about you.  So I’ve known where he’s stood for a long while.  I spoke with Dedue about a week or two ago about about the whole thing.  We’re just a little tired of watching you two give each other that <em>look</em>, you know?”</p>
<p>“What look!” Claude squawked.</p>
<p>Marianne turned around, pacing her hands on his jaw.  “This look,” she said, widening her eyes and parting her lips.  Claude felt his cheeks heat up and he tried to look away, realizing that her hands were preventing her from doing that.  </p>
<p>“Are we that obnoxious?” Claude asked.</p>
<p>Marianne pressed her lips together.  “I mean… sometimes,” she admitted, “But if you can get yourselves figured out this week, I think I can deal with it.”</p>
<p>Claude nodded.  He found himself too scared to say anything else.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The GPS on Dedue’s phone confirmed that they had arrived at the house, Dedue parking his car and leaning away from the wheel for a moment.</p>
<p>“Do you need a minute?” he asked, turning toward Dimitri.</p>
<p>Dimitri tilted his head.  He felt like he was in a fog.  He brought his hand to his head as if it would provide any relief, smiling nervously at him before he said, “Oh, no.  No.  We should get going.”</p>
<p>Dedue stared at him for a long moment, Dimitri holding his breath and hoping Dedue wouldn’t provide any inquiry.  Thankfully, Dedue just said, “All right,” before he opened up his door and began to grab things from the back.  Dimitri joined him, fitting as many bags as he could along his arms before he followed Dedue toward the door.</p>
<p>They could already hear chatter and the baseline of music.  Dedue knocked on the door.  Someone rushed over toward it and swung it open, Leonie grinning as she let them in.  “<em>Finally</em>!” she exclaimed, “We were getting worried about you!”</p>
<p>“Are they here yet?!” Claude exclaimed and Dimitri felt his stomach flip.  He cleared his throat, ready to answer before Leonie yelled, “Yeah, thank fuck!”</p>
<p>Everyone yelled.  They sounded like they were upstairs.  Leonie led them to the top floor, where everyone was split between the kitchen area and the deck that was facing the ocean.  Dedue and Dimitri flitted between everyone.  As much as it was nice to see everybody, Dimitri couldn’t help but feel like he couldn’t get out of the fog in his mind.  Even if people embraced him or kissed his cheek, it felt like there was a wall keeping him from fully experiencing everything.  </p>
<p>He got pressed against the railing, a few people prying him about the house.  He nervously admitted that yes, the nearby beach was private, that there were enough beds for everybody, and that nobody was expected to pay anything in terms of renting costs.  At least he knew everybody long enough that they didn’t question why he was so altruistic.    </p>
<p>When he was done answering everybody’s questions, he realized that he hadn’t actually spoken to Claude.  As if it was on cue, Claude appeared at his side, popping a chip in his mouth.</p>
<p>Dimitri’s eyes went wide, unable to look away from Claude even if his jaw felt locked in place.  Dimitri always found Claude attractive, but there was something particularly handsome about him in the setting summer light.  He was dressed for a vacation, wearing a ridiculous looking shirt with pineapples patterned across it.  The top two buttons were undone, exposing a smattering of chest hair.  </p>
<p>Claude opened up his mouth and Dimitri watched his lips move.  It stirred something in Dimitri’s chest and he immediately remembered his conversation with Dedue.</p>
<p>“Uh, well.  How was your trip?” Claude asked.</p>
<p>The fluttering of his chest dropped into dread in his stomach.  It wasn’t like Claude to ask him such mundane questions.  He wondered if Claude somehow knew about the conversation.  He wasn’t even sure how he could find out, but the fear set in and he wasn’t certain how he could shake it off.</p>
<p>“It was fine,” he said, clearing his throat. </p>
<p>“Oh, great!” Claude exclaimed.  His tone sounded robotic, like he was trying to follow a script and Dimitri didn’t have any access to it.</p>
<p>“Hey, can we get a plan for tomorrow?” someone asked.  Both Claude and Dimitri turned their head, seeing Sylvain trying to corral everyone outside.  He caught sight of them and gestured at them, Claude joining Marianne on a chair and Dimitri locating Dedue by the sliding door.  Dimitri leaned against the siding of the house as Dedue rested his head on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Why are we making a plan?” Caspar asked, “Who makes plans on vacations?”

“<em>I</em> like plans on vacations,” Dedue grumbled, refusing to lift his head from Dimitri’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“I <em>knew</em> you had my back, Dedue” Sylvain said.</p>
<p>“Can’t the plan just be, like, hang out on the beach?” Caspar asked.</p>
<p>“Uh, yeah,” Sylvain replied.</p>
<p>Caspar raised his hands over his head, grinning triumphantly.</p>
<p>“We bought supplies for a barbeque if we want to do that for dinner,” Dedue said.</p>
<p>Sylvain clapped his hand and pointed at Dedue.</p>
<p>Dedue gave him a thumbs up.  Dimitri was certain Dedue rolled his eyes for emphasis.</p>
<p>“Then we have a plan!” Sylvain exclaimed, “Okay, I’m done, let’s party!”</p>
<p>The party split between the deck and the indoor area again.  Dimitri followed Dedue like a shadow, content to let Dedue lead conversations with everyone.  He was relieved that Dedue was so deeply submerged in the conversation, he didn’t make a huge fuss over how stuck in place Dimitri felt.</p>
<p>For the first time in a long while, Dimitri felt like he was falling backwards.  It had been so long since he was lost in the haze of his own mind that he forgot how to manage it, only able to give strained looks toward Claude when he was in conversation with other people.</p>
<p>When Dedue said he was planning on going to bed a little earlier than most of the group, Dimitri all but jumped at the opportunity to join him.  When anyone asked why he simply said that it was a long day and he wanted to be in his best spirits tomorrow.</p>
<p>It was as close to the truth as he could get.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Claude woke up to the sound of ocean waves and needed to remind himself where he was.  He stirred, feeling arms wrap around him and bring him close.  He huffed, even though he smiled when he turned his head and got confirmation that it was Marianne holding him close.  She left stray kisses on his neck, Claude turning further back to leave a kiss on her cheek.  A shock of orange appeared in his line of vision as he spotted Leonie lying across an inflatable mattress right next to them.</p>
<p>He should have known that the moment had to end one way or another.</p>
<p>At least Marianne was persistent.  Her hands slid toward his front, holding him close and keeping him anchored.  It was tempting to reach out and check his phone, but he resisted, knowing that they all set alarms at random intervals to ensure that they would get up when they needed to.</p>
<p>He wondered how everyone else was doing.  He stayed up with most of them, the haze of late night conversations distracting him enough to the fact that Dimitri was not at his side.  If it was anybody else going to bed early, he would have accepted it.  But he knew Dimitri and specifically knew that he didn’t really go to bed, even after whatever skills or medications he half confessed to trying anytime the topic was brought up.  If he wanted time alone, he would typically say it, not make up something about being tired.</p>
<p>Marianne fit her face against the crook of his neck, breathing hot air against his skin.  He hated that even after all these years, Dimitri still had the ability to make his mind wander enough for Marianne to notice.  It was embarrassing to admit that he still had feelings not quite resolved over the first person he ever slept with back in freshman year of college.  </p>
<p>He could be in the present long enough to know that Marianne was his partner.  If anyone was going to find his vulnerabilities, it was going to be her.  But he didn’t feel any better when it showed through.</p>
<p>Leonie’s phone alarm went off first, the needlessly tranquil tone pulling him out of his thoughts.  Marianne and he flinched, Marianne attempting to hide her face as Leonie sat up, turning off her alarm.  </p>
<p>“You should just start getting up,” Leonie said.  </p>
<p>“We’re on vacation,” Marianne mumbled.</p>
<p>“And you can sleep on the beach!” Leonie replied.</p>
<p>When Claude’s alarm went off ten minutes later, it was enough for him to begin prying himself out of Marianne’s grip, Marianne staying asleep for an extra five minutes until her own alarm went off.  The three of them began to get ready, making sure they had all their beach supplies and decided upon which bathing suits they were wearing.  They opened up the door, meeting up with Dedue and Dimitri, who were already dressed and packed.</p>
<p>Everyone exchanged good mornings, sleep making their voices rough.  It was nice seeing everyone dressed how they felt comfortable.  Leonie was wearing a pair of brightly colored board shorts, her hands in her pockets as she shifted her weight from side to side.  Marianne was wearing a pair of shorts over a blue and white one piece, the sloping back exposing the top of her back.  Dedue wore a delicate crochet coverup, the light color contrasting beautifully with his skin.  </p>
<p>Dimitri was already trying to figure out how to carry everybody’s things, the hood of his thin sweatshirt already over his head.  A selfish part of Claude wanted to see it off, but he killed the thought as soon as it crossed his mind.  As much as he loved to see him more exposed, he knew Dimitri had his reasons to keep himself covered.</p>
<p>“When did everybody get to bed last night?” Dedue asked.  </p>
<p>“Uh, probably around three o’clock, four o’clock in the morning,” Claude admitted.</p>
<p>Dedue sighed loudly.  “Let’s just get going then,” he grumbled.</p>
<p>They walked down the winding trail toward the beach, chatting idly until they stopped short, staring at the stretch of sand and ocean ahead of them.</p>
<p>Claude didn’t truly understand the appeal of a private beach until that moment.  With nobody sitting across the ideal spots of the shoreline, they could set down their things precisely where they wanted to, even if everybody had an opinion as to how far or how close they should be from the ocean.  Dedue finally put the twisting base of his umbrella into the sand at one point, saying that it was silly wasting their time arguing about a matter of a few feet.</p>
<p>They rolled out towels and opened up beach chairs, everyone falling into whatever activities they wanted to do to relax under the warm summer sun.  Marianne covered her face and laid down across a towel.  Leonie raced out toward the water, dipping her feet in and gasping over how cold it was.  Dedue and Dimitri had chairs open side-by-side and were reading.</p>
<p>Claude watched everybody, hugging his knees under his chin.  As much as he was glad that everybody was enjoying themselves, he struggled pulling whatever he needed to within himself to join them.  </p>
<p>He eventually stared out at the ocean, watching the waves crash along the shore.  He checked both sides of him, finding himself longing to walk as far as he could.  He doubted he could tire his mind, but he was sure that he would be able to tire his body.</p>
<p>“I’m going to go for a walk,” he announced.</p>
<p>Dimitri turned his head.  “Oh, can I join you?” he asked.</p>
<p>Claude opened his mouth and closed it, genuinely considering the question.  He nodded his head, deciding that as much as he thought solitude could help, the chance for Dimitri and him to talk without someone barging into it was more important.</p>
<p>“Of course, Dimirimi,” Claude said, smiling at him.</p>
<p>They got up, making their way toward the water.  Dimitri dipped his foot in, muttering, “Oh, it’s not too bad.” </p>
<p>Claude poked at the water, promptly yelping.  “You’re such a liar!” he exclaimed.</p>
<p>Dimitri laughed.  “My apologies, Claude.  I sometimes forget that I handle the cold better than you.”  </p>
<p>Claude shuffled away from the water, placing his hands on his hips as he watched Dimitri kick at the waves quietly.  He appeared lost in thought, swaying from side-to-side as he lifted his foot out of the water.  He returned to Claude’s side before they shifted toward one side of the coastline, walking together.</p>
<p>“Are you a beach person?” Claude asked.</p>
<p>Dimitri shrugged.  “I’m not sure,” he admitted, “I used to go a bit with my family growing up, but it was… not the most fun.  My father would try to make Edelgard and I get along and it seldom worked.  Throw in that I was… uncomfortable showing my body and…”  He waved his hand.  “I think I like it much better now.  I’m less scared and I like the company a lot.”</p>
<p>Claude smiled, feeling somewhat betrayed by how warm his cheeks felt in reaction to it.  If it was anyone else, Claude would have dismissed it as a hollow attempt at flirting.  But he knew Dimitri too well.  Everything he did was too earnest.</p>
<p>“Do <em>you</em> like the beach?” Dimitri asked.</p>
<p>Claude ran his finger along the elastic of his sports bra, adjusting it along his ribs.  “Not really,” he said, “I mean, I’ve never really done a vacation like this.  My family was more into us traveling to different places and having pretty packed itineraries.”</p>
<p>Dimitri nodded.  “Yes, the lack of structure can be a bit strange,” he admitted, “But… I think there’s something pleasant about this approach once in a while.”  He sighed, bringing his hands to his hair and redoing his ponytail.  He stopped walking as he tied it off.</p>
<p>Claude stopped as well, facing him.  He tilted his head, watching Dimitri appear lost in thought as he lowered his hands from his head and turned toward Claude again.  </p>
<p>“May I speak with you about something?” Dimitri asked.</p>
<p>Claude craned his neck over Dimitri’s shoulder.  They appeared to be far enough from their group that no one could hear them.  He nodded.</p>
<p>“I had an… interesting conversation with Dedue before I arrived here,” Dimitri said.</p>
<p>Claude felt his heart pounding in his chest.  “Y-yeah?  Everything all right?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Oh?  Yes!  Yes, we are well,” Dimitri said.  He bit the inside of his lip.  “I mean, for the most part.  Dedue sort of… called me out on something that I wasn’t prepared for.”</p>
<p>“Oh, boy.  Have you stopped checking the chore chart?” Claude joked, “You know the dude’s a Virgo.  He’s got a method to everything.”</p>
<p>“What?” Dimitri asked.  He sighed, shaking his head.  “No, it’s not anything like that.  He just… told me that I need to figure out where I stand with you.”</p>
<p>Claude stared at him, pressing his lips together.  “Oh,” he said, “Uh… weird twist.  This sounds an awful lot like a conversation I had with Marianne, like.  Last night.”</p>
<p>“How strange,” Dimitri murmured.  He brought his hands to his zippers, tugging it up and down several times.  “Do you think they… planned this?”    

Claude remembered when Marianne mentioned that she talked to Dedue prior.  He smirked in spite of himself.  While most people would not consider Dedue or Marianne as brilliant as they actually were, the thought of the two of them catching onto their mutual skill made more than enough sense to him.  “Absolutely,” he said.  “Though I had no idea about it.”</p>
<p>“Me either,” Dimitri admitted, “I was quite disoriented by the conversation.  It certainly impacted my mood last night and I do apologize for that.”</p>
<p>“I was also acting weird,” Claude admitted, “I’m not holding that against you.”</p>
<p>Dimitri grew quiet.  Wind kicked up, causing the two of them to inelegantly brace themselves against it.  Dimitri pulled his hoodie up, tugging on the strings to make sure that it was secure. </p>
<p>Claude realized how much time had passed between the two of them.  The first time he met Dimitri, they were gawky freshmen.  They saw each other during their initial interactions on their dorm floor and Claude decided Dimitri seemed serious enough that he would be fun to mess with.  But he learned quickly that while Dimitri was fun to mess with, he was also just fun to spend time with.  It was probably why Claude didn’t go through with running away from their group of friends, even if it was a thought that rolled through his mind often.  He felt grounded near Dimitri.</p>
<p>“Let’s take a seat,” Claude suggested.  He sat down on the sand, watching Dimitri join him.  He tugged on the hem of his swim trunks as he sat down, eventually giving up and letting them ride up. </p>
<p>“I wasn’t fair to you,” Dimitri said, his voice low.  “I told you that I had feelings for you and then I went and chose to be with Dedue.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what happened, Dimochka, and you know it,” Claude said, “You made the right call to focus on one person.  I…”  He considered a platitude about moving on, but he knew it was a lie.  He would not be sharing that moment with him right now if that was true.  “...I was able to start dating Marianne.  Like, sure, we’ve always had.  Whatever this is.  But I like being with Marianne, too.”

“I’m glad for that,” Dimitri said, “I care about you both so much.  Though admittedly, my feelings toward you are a bit.  Different.”</p>
<p>Claude felt his stomach flip.  He was always in awe over how vulnerable Dimitri could be.  Claude wasn’t certain he could bring himself to be that open, even with the privacy of this stretch of beach, but he still enjoyed witnessing someone else taking advantage of it.  </p>
<p>“Still holding a candle for me.  Cute,” Claude said.</p>
<p>“Dedue suggested that we take this week to try to… see if we can pursue something,” Dimitri said.  He pressed his lips together.  “I… I would like to try.  If you were interested.”</p>
<p>Claude felt his throat get tight.  He coughed nervously, quickly tilting his head away.  It was strange having a clear directive.</p>
<p>Even then, he couldn’t allow himself to make such an observation.  Instead, he smirked, saying, “It’s just a week.  If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out.  Just make sure you forgive me if it doesn’t, you know?”</p>
<p>“You are trying.  That’s more than enough” Dimitri said.  Claude was shocked by how much he believed him.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>There was a dash for every indoor and outdoor shower as soon as everyone returned to the beach house.  Dimitri was content watching everyone scattering, Dedue bringing his hand to his head and sighing loudly.</p>
<p>“I’m sure you’ll be able to get a shower in next round,” Dimitri said.</p>
<p>“I’m more worried about everyone tracking sand into the house.  I <em>refuse</em> to waste this week vacuuming after thm,” Dedue admitted.  “How did your walk with Claude go?  You were gone for quite a bit.”</p>
<p>Dimitri hoped his blush could be covered up by his cheeks, which he was certain were sunburnt.  “Can we find somewhere private?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Dedue said.  They cleaned off their feet under a spigot set near the staircase, drying them off before they walked up toward the house.  The main deck was unoccupied, so they sat on a bench.</p>
<p>They had stayed on the beach far longer than they anticipated they would.  The sunlight was taking on a golden hue, Dimitri surprised that they were able to spend the day functionally doing nothing.  He rolled up the sleeves of his hoodie, leaning against Dedue as Dedue reached over and grabbed his hand.</p>
<p>“I spoke with Claude about our conversation,” Dimitri explained.  “He said that he would… humor me with this week.  For lack of better terms.”</p>
<p>“It’s a bit more direct than his usual style.  I’m sure he was quite surprised by this news,” Dedue said.  “I'm happy for you both.”</p>
<p>Dimitri lifted his head.  He stared at Dedue’s lips for a moment, quickly looking away.  “Would it be inappropriate to kiss you right now?”</p>
<p>“Not at all,” Dedue said, “I would argue it’s much appreciated.”  </p>
<p>“I’m glad,” Dimitri replied.  He leaned in, kissing Dedue.  He smelled like salt and sunscreen, a delightful combination that he rarely experienced with Dedue.  He was excited that he would be able to smell it for the next few days.  “Let’s go on a date on Wednesday.”</p>
<p>Dedue kissed him lazily.  “Do you have a plan?” he asked.</p>
<p>Dimitri brought his hand toward the side of Dedue’s face.  He ran his fingers along the shaved side of his head.  “We should just go on the boardwalk,” he suggested, “I’ll try to win you a prize.”</p>
<p>“Did I ever tell you I’m quite good at those crane games?” Dedue asked.</p>
<p>“No!  You didn’t!” Dimitri exclaimed.  He adjusted himself, draping his feet in Dedue’s lap.  Dedue brought his hand to Dimitri’s leg, rubbing small circles against it.  “It’s true,” he said, “Ines would always want something and I felt obligated to give it a shot.  I began to figure out which toys you could actually grab.  It was a bit of trial by error, but I’m fairly certain I can still do it.”</p>
<p>“Then we can win something for each other.”</p>
<p>Dedue smiled.  “I would like that,” he said.  He leaned in and kissed him again, Dimitri content giving him languid kisses back.</p>
<p>They continued to exchange affections, stopping when they heard the door sliding open.  Dimitri swung his legs off of Dedue’s lap, turning toward it to see Claude closing the door behind him.  </p>
<p>“I can leave you two alone,” Claude murmured.  He was still in his bathing suit.  Dimitri wondered who successfully thwarted him out of the first round of showers.</p>
<p>“It’s all right,” Dedue said.</p>
<p>Dimitri looked at the empty spot next to him and turned toward Claude.  “You could… join us, if you’d like,” he said clumsily.  He saw Dedue shift in the corner of his eye and he hastily added, “If you’re comfortable with it, Dedue!”</p>
<p>Dedue laughed softly.  “Dimitri, Claude is my friend.  I would love to sit with him.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, Dimi, we’re buds, remember?” Claude asked.  He sat in the empty spot, leaning against one of the arms.  </p>
<p>Dimitri sat up straight.  It was tempting to lean against Claude.  Maybe he could be especially decadent and drape himself against both of them.  It felt too soon.</p>
<p>Until it didn’t.  He had done things like that for years between Claude and Dedue.  There weren’t labels attached to it, but a mutual understanding of affection between the three of them.  He brought his legs up again, Dedue catching them.  Claude grumbled, easing Dimitri’s head into his lap.  “You fucking golden retriever,” Claude muttered, his hand hovering near Dimitri’s hair for a long moment before he finally combed his fingers through the loose strands that had fallen out of his ponytail.</p>
<p>Dimitri wiggled, unable to resist sticking his tongue out.</p>
<p>“I’m not catching you if you fall,” Claude grumbled.</p>
<p>“I will try, but I can’t make a guarantee,” Dedue added.</p>
<p>“How do I have such cruel partners!” Dimitri gasped.  He covered his mouth, feeling as if there was a buzz on his lips.  He had no idea how comfortable it would feel to say such a thing.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It took a few rounds of showers, waiting for the water to heat up again, and another group taking showers, but everybody was eventually cleaned up and spread out around the house to help prepare for dinner.  Claude expertly balanced interacting with everybody while avoiding any specific tasks outside of occasionally moving plates on a different surface.</p>
<p>Claude also made sure that Marianne was having a good time.  She was already sitting outside with Leonie, who was backseat grilling as Ingrid actually did the work. </p>
<p>“I’m gonna try to find Dimitri.  If that’s okay,” Claude said.</p>
<p>“Oh, of course,” Marianne replied.  She smiled, kissing his cheek.  </p>
<p>“Yeah, see ya,” Leonie said, waving at him.  </p>
<p>Claude kissed Marianne’s forehead before he got up, scanning the room.  He spotted Dimitri leaning against the counter, chatting with Dedue and Sylvain as they worked on some kind of salad.  </p>
<p>Dimitri spotted him, shuffling over to give Claude enough room to fit next to him.  Claude stopped short, trying to keep his smile in check.  He joined Dimitri, bonking his head against Dimitri’s shoulder.  Dimitri brought his arm over Claude’s shoulder and held him tight.</p>
<p>Sylvain looked up, narrowing his eyes for a brief moment.  His eyes wandered toward Dedue before he focused on the counter again.</p>
<p>Claude considered squirming out of Dimitri’s embrace.  It was the type of attention that he really didn’t want to have focused on him.  It was one thing when they were freshmen and they could get away with being affectionate with each other without any attachments.  But that was their world before Dedue and Marianne were involved.  </p>
<p>He was grateful that they were pursuing whatever this was for the week.  Even so, he didn’t necessarily want other people to know about it.  As much as he wanted to think about how it could work, there was always a chance that it wouldn’t.  As touched as he was by Dimitri saying that they were partners, Claude knew that it wasn’t necessarily true. </p>
<p>“Would you like to eat together?” Dimitri asked.</p>
<p>Claude finally allowed himself to smile.  He couldn’t deny that even with the complicated feelings he had toward the situation, it was hard to deny how much he adored Dimitri’s overwhelming consideration.</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure.  I’ll try to find a spot outside,” Claude suggested.</p>
<p>“Mm, all right,” Dimitri said.  He squeezed him one more time before he loosened his grip.  Claude slipped out of his grasp, going back outside and dramatically throwing himself across two chairs that were set at the table.</p>
<p>At least it was easy to believe that Dimitri genuinely liked him.  It was a bit more difficult to get used to the idea of being in a relationship with Marianne.  It seemed like she had to run the show for the early days of the relationship, learning how to use her voice to be able to be clear with him that she loved him and that she genuinely enjoyed spending time with him, even if it was her being witness to a bizarre scheme.  </p>
<p>Claude didn’t want to assume this week would work, but there was something nice about knowing that two people cared about him deeply.  </p>
<p>“Claude,” he heard someone say.  He looked up and saw Felix staring him down with his arms crossed.</p>
<p>“What’s up?” Claude asked.  Felix was still prone to a hair trigger temper, even if it did seem like he was genuinely working on it.  Unfortunately, he was someone who was capable of having a solid point, meaning that Felix was either going to grill him for something stupid or sincere.  He would just have to listen to find out.</p>
<p>Felix stared at him, his eyes somewhat hazy.  He took a sip from what was most likely the cause, a nondescript red Solo cup.</p>
<p>“What’s going on with you and Dimitri?” Felix asked.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it, Fraldarius,” Claude said, “We’re just having a little shoretime fun.”</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up,” Felix snapped, “I hate when you do that shit.  You two are actually together, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Claude stared at Felix, narrowing his eyes.  As tempting as it was to snap at him and ask him what his problem was, he resisted.  He knew better than to explode at Felix.  In truth, he knew better than to explode at anybody, but especially Felix.</p>
<p>“We’re just seeing where things can go,” Claude said.  </p>
<p>“Where what’s going?” someone asked.  Claude turned toward the voice and he spotted Dimitri.  He reached toward him like a life raft, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.  </p>
<p>“Are you two together or not?” Felix snapped.</p>
<p>Dimitri blinked, going rigid in Claude’s arms.  He took a deep breath and said, “Ah, well, what did Claude say?”</p>
<p>“Some shit about ‘seeing where things can go,’” Felix snapped.  Claude could all but see the air quotes in his tone.  </p>
<p>“That’s probably the best explanation for it,” Dimitri agreed.</p>
<p>Felix sighed.  “You are both impossible,” he grumbled.  He stormed off without any closure to the conversation, joining Sylvain who was leaning against the railing.</p>
<p>Dimitri finally stopped holding his pose.  He leaned in and rested his head against Claude’s, not saying anything.  </p>
<p>Claude knew about what happened with Dimitri and Felix in the spring.  Dimitri didn’t tell him until the beginning of the summer, but he couldn’t imagine the story got out very far.  Dimitri tried to let Felix get out of being friends with him and he refused to accept such an invitation.  Their relationship was hopefully on the way to something better to the strange tension that floated between the two of them as long as Claude knew either of them. </p>
<p>“Was that like a drunken shovel talk?” Claude asked.</p>
<p>Dimitri snorted.  “It might have been.  In his own strange way.”</p>
<p>Claude rolled his eyes, grateful that Dimitri couldn’t see.  He didn’t know what it was like to have friends that were around as long as Dimitri knew Felix, Ingrid, or Sylvain.  He struggled with making friends and keeping them until he decided to make the group chat back in freshman year.  It was too embarrassing to admit to it, so he refused, burrowing his face against Dimitri’s side.</p>
<p>“Oh, I was wondering,” Dimitri said, “Would you be interested in getting up early and watching the sun rise with me tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“Sunrise?” Claude asked.  He pulled away to smile nervously at him.  Unfortunately, he was greeted to Dimitri’s shining smile.  “I mean… sure.  Uh, sounds great.”</p>
<p>Dimitri’s grin got wider and Claude knew that he made the right decision, even if he knew he would be exhausted.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Dimitri leaned into kiss Dedue’s cheek, trying to be featherlight enough to not wake him up.  Thankfully, he stirred slightly, but never woke up.  Dimitri leaned in to kiss him once more for good measure before he slipped out of the room.  </p>
<p>He rubbed at his eyes, even if there wasn’t much sleep to remove from them.  He might have gotten an hour or two of consistent sleep, but he knew that was going to happen.  The bed was stiff and the room was unfamiliar.  Whenever he woke up he found himself frightened until he reached for Dedue.  It happened when he changed scenery sometimes.  He knew better than to complain on vacation, so he kept his frustrations to himself.</p>
<p>He walked down to the kitchen area, trying to pull a chair out from the glass table before he sat down.  He could hear the sound of breathing coming from the living room area, people set up on the couches and on an air mattress on the floor.  A part of him felt bad that he was given a room with only Dedue because of his sleep issues just to waste it.  </p>
<p>The darkness of the room became overwhelming, Dimitri nervously grabbing for his phone.  There was no word from Claude and certainly no notifications from any form of social media.  He rubbed his face, taking a deep breath before he got up again.  When five minutes passed, he found himself beginning to sit up far too straight in his chair.  They had to get out soon or they were going to miss the sunrise.</p>
<p>Dimitri got up, trying to push the chair out slowly again.  He padded to the opposite side of the house, slipping down the hall and checking various rooms until he finally located Claude’s.  He stood in the doorway to confirm, unable to resist taking in the sight of Claude and Marianne angled awkwardly, their limbs sticking out haphazardly.  Dimitri couldn’t help but smile, having to remind himself why he was there before he walked toward the bed.  </p>
<p>He poked carefully at Claude’s shoulder, whispering his name.  Claude thrashed in response, launching his fist toward Dimitri.  Dimitri dodged it in time, feeling his punch push his hair with enough force that it blew past his ear.  </p>
<p>“Claude!” he hissed, “Claude, it’s me!”</p>
<p>Claude froze, nearly faceplanting back on to the bed.  Marianne miraculously tucked her limbs back and rolled onto her side, facing away from them. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Dimitri whispered.</p>
<p>Claude slowly lifted his face, his green eyes hazy through the locks of dark hair in front of them.  “D… Dimi… oh.”  </p>
<p>“We have to head outside if we want to see the sunrise,” Dimitri reminded him.  He cleared his throat, glad that his probably red cheeks were concealed in the fading darkness.  “I’m sorry.  I was worried you might have forgotten.”</p>
<p>“Guess my alarm didn’t go off,” Claude said.  He grabbed his phone and winced when he turned on the screen.  He shook his head as he mumbled, “I had the alarm info set up, but I never selected anything… I’m so sorry, Dimochka.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Dimitri replied, “Uh, we should get going, though.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Claude said.  He slowly pulled himself upright, pushing himself forward.  He grabbed a blanket on the floor, the two of them awkwardly dancing around each other as they realized that Dimitri was stepping on it.  Claude tossed it over his shoulders and they left the room.  How Leonie and Marianne appeared entirely unbothered by their antics, he had no idea.</p>
<p>They decided to sit out on the deck facing the sunrise, the two of them sitting at a bench that was set up.  Dimitri sat down first, guiding Claude to sit down.  Claude immediately flopped into his lap, the blanket over his head.  Dimitri tried his best to run his fingers through the hair that had spilled out from his makeshift hood.</p>
<p>He was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to be close with Claude again.  It was a mix of nostalgic muscle memory and the very present feeling Dimitri had toward him.  </p>
<p>He twirled his fingers around one of the curls, unable to resist smiling when he heard Claude grumble.  </p>
<p>As much as he loved their friends and partners, he couldn’t help but long for when they had large swaths of time between the two of them.  He wished that there could be some form of a compromise.  No, he didn’t want to go back to who he was when he was a freshman.  That was a boy who was still hurting and didn’t quite know how to carry it yet.  But he wished there was a way that he could be that untethered to the world, but still deeply tied up in Claude.</p>
<p>Claude leaned into him, his face pressed against Dimitri’s chest.  Dimitri fretted about Claude falling asleep on him, ready to shake him and remind him that they were supposed to be watching the sun slowly rise up above the horizon line, the darkness being pushed out.</p>
<p>He felt his stomach flip as Claude loosely grabbed at his waist as an anchor.  He leaned forward, kissing the top of Claude’s head.</p>
<p>He wondered if his feelings toward Claude ran deeper than he thought.</p>
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